7.13.2011

not "Good Girl"

When I was a grad student, I took a class called "Counseling the Child and Adolescent".  I learned a lot in that course and apply many of the ideas to my parenting.  One thing that really struck me was the idea of removing terms like "good girl" and "great job" from my vocabulary.

At first, that may seem cruel and wrong.  But think about it... does using a potty make someone a good person? (answer:  even Hitler used the toilet.)  Does every drawing warrant the title of a "great" work?  No!  By always using these terms, we create people who need constant validation and praise.

Instead, we need to foster self-motivation and self-acceptance.  Though I slip up ALL THE TIME... I am much more likely to say "Good listening", "Thank you for making a good choice", "Look at all those colors you used!". By commenting on the action, I am letting Hazel know that I am paying attention and I'm encouraging the types of behaviors that I want to see more of.  But I'm not teaching her that if she does not do _____ (fill-in-da-blank), she is BAD!  

Now it's time for Mama to make a GOOD CHOICE by turning off the computer and TV and taking the kids on a walk!

2 comments:

  1. I always had a hard time remembering that when teaching.

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  2. Somehow this stuck... we managed to say "you did a good thing" rather than "you're a good boy".

    Nevertheless, one apple fell close to the tree, one fell very far. It is still too early to tell whether the one that fell away will grow back.

    It's a crapshoot moms and dads... don't beat yourself up too much.

    Much peace.
    Meadow

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Oh how I L.O.V.E. comments! Thanks for taking a walk on the (koskersidle)WILD side :)