2.08.2011

Video killed...

...the radio star... and my optimism.

It's not currently in the DSM-IV (the mental health diagnosis mega-text), but it should be. 

YEARS ago, when we were both students, I splurged and bought hubby a nice digital video camera so that we could record our life.  We go through spurts of using it, collecting miniature tapes.  Never have we ever uploaded these snippets onto our computer.  I have no idea how many hours of Hazel video we've created, but a substantial amount.

The PROBLEM is, I cannot use the video camera without imagining the death of one of the "actors".  As in, something tragic happens, I die, and my baby is left with a few snippets of annoying mama narrator with which to piece together what kind of mama I was.  It's morbid and depressing and makes me not want to video! 

This week I'm hoping to video our new game in which I say "WOW" and she echoes.  We vary the pitch, loudness, length, etc.  Her little voice is SO sweet!  However, in a way, I hate the idea of capturing this moment... I don't want to freeze her in time... I want her to change and grow old, along WITH me!

This morning on our CNN homepage, the first thing I see is a video with the title "Last steps before protester's death".  Was I tempted to watch, yup.  Did I?  NO!  I'm lucky enough not to have been there in real life, why watch such a morbid thing? 

In summary, video is awesome.  Someday, Hazel and I will enjoy watching her baby moments TOGETHER (this is me talking to God and telling him what's what).  However, I need to rid myself of such a morbid thought process with that darn camera!

5 comments:

  1. Juls that is so sad! I never really thought about it that way but you are right. It is kind of morbid. How often do you see people in movies watching video's of their dead someone. So sad.

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  2. Well thanks. Now I will think of you and your morbid fixation videos when I film my fam.

    You're awesome.

    And funny.

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  3. OK that's morbid. AND you're young, disease free (i hope) and ready to birth baby number 2! I think you need to hang around my optimistic mother more often :)

    But if you want to be morbid, you could also turn it around and think wouldn't you rather your child have something to remember you by that's more than the random photo here and there? Yes, more morbidity, but at least it puts a silver lining on it? :)

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  4. I agree with C. Time to change this blog......

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