Jake and I have talked about this a lot and have decided that I will stop working outside of the home (after February...er... I will stop tutoring after May). This decision comes with some regrets on my part, but a lot of relief too. So, we'll be a one car, penny pinching family for the next few years. I tend to suffer from pitying myself when seeing other people's material goods. However, when my perspective is right (as it is right now after a full day of working outside the home), I see that the "sacrifices" are NOTHING! I'll renovate the house in 10 years (or not), I'll buy fashionable clothes in 10 years (or not) and I'll soak up every minute of my daughterS young lives. I'll go on nature walks with them, give music lessons, read books, cook meals, clean the house/do laundry NOT on weekends, I'll schedule my day around naps (not naps around my day), I'll be (a little more) sane... and so will the other 3 people in this house.
In preparation for a really busy week, I found comfort in one of the hymns I sang in church on Sunday:
"You need my hands, my exhaustion,
working love for the rest of the weary,
A love that's willing to go on loving."
by Cesar Gabarain
So for this week, I will use my hands and love to serve students as their counselor and tutor. It is a privilege to serve them, just as it will be a privilege to serve my family in the near future... because right now they are only getting my exhaustion with a sprinkling of love.