Yes, I've been MIA. I've been packing up my Grandparents home and unpacking them into their new home. I've been mourning Jake's sweet Grandma and spending time with Kosker cousins, Aunts and other assorted family members. I've been seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for buying and moving into our first home! I've been watching my daughter grow exponentially, listening to her "talk" (the peak of her noise experimentation was during her Great Grandma's Catholic Mass) and convincing myself that her hair is getting longer. I've been visiting my Grandpa while he's recouperating from a fractured hip in a Nursing Home. I've been attempting to stay current with my normal life duties in the stolen minutes surrounding all of the above.
So, the bulk of my time is with the elderly and with a baby. It's a nice contrast and I've given some thought to how people develop, how I want myself to age, how I want Hazel to develop. Like the average person, I think that the ways I think are right. I think the my family dynamics are the correct ones to have. However, the beauty/hardship of marriage is being thrown into another person's way of thinking and into their family dynamics. (Jake is LIVING with my parents and grandparents, he deserves an award for being flexible, understanding, and patient!)
Jake is accepting and forgiving almost to a fault (he walks the 70 times 7 that Jesus preached, but each time a loved one hurts him, I see a small portion of him shrink to pessimism). I, on the other hand, am allergic to conflict and can still give you all the details of the time 11 years ago when a former friend yelled at me. My extended family lives far apart, and though we're not all best friends (I haven't seen some family members for 15 years!), we covet time spent together and let misunderstandings go. Jake's family is geographically very close, but there are members that have been shunned/ rejected (I think that geographic proximity is a big reason for this. So, it's a blessing and a curse.). That TERRIFIES me and I hardly know how to function at times for fear of alienating one of Jake's beloved family members.
Which of us will Hazel be like? Or will she be like one of her Great Grandmas... kind and gentle. Though the Priest prayed for Grandma Kosker's sins, we surely couldn't identify one. My Grandma walks a similar parth. Has she ever angered anyone, lost any friends, or been rude? No, I truly do not think so. Maybe Hazel will be like them. Yes, that would be best.