3.08.2009

Someday you'll find the magic shoe that's a perfect fit.

Last night I got to see the musical WICKED. It was fantastic. MUCH better than the book and quite different. I want to see it again and again and again. Before the show, I went out to dinner with a few friends and we had a great conversation about finding the right guy and then knowing if he's husband material or not.

I do not envy my friend who is at the point in her 2-year relationship where she either needs to break it off or prepare herself for a big excited "Yes, I will marry you". I remember the sickening feeling I used to get when past relationships started to go sour. There's nothing more admirable than a person who knows their self well enough to leave a relationship with a good guy simply because it's not the right shoe (sorry, but I did spend 3 hours enjoying a musical that talks about magic shoes... the connection in my brain between the two subjects is just very strong). However, I truly don't know how to help my friend figure out if it's not the right guy, if it's commitment issues, or if it's simply cold feet.

Reflecting on my past, I feel that there were 3 men in my life who I truly thought I would marry. If I pull out the key feature of each of these men, I find the 3 greatest parts of myself: Music, Religion, Adventure. Do you already know which one I married?

The Musician: He was attractive, incredibly talented, fun, and smart. However, he broke up with me all of the time! It was a very on again, off again thing. I enjoyed his company and put up with the confusion for quite a long time. At one point he was studying abroad in Italy and told me that he was shopping for engagement rings! Initially my heart dropped, but then the dream of being married won and it was very exciting. In the end, he had cheated on me while in Italy and he just couldn't forgive himself. (side note: It turns out that the reason we broke up a lot is because I am a woman and that just isn't his cup-o-tea :)

The Religious Man: He wooed me with his "deep" connection to his spiritual side (not to mention he was tall, smart, and goofy!). This is a tough one for me as it is the most toxic and painful experience from my past. A religious man was how I viewed him, but he taught me to view myself as someone with evil intentions. I became convinced that I was a very mean and selfish person. Of course I was entirely dependent on him, without him how would I ever learn to be "good"? Just writing about it makes my hands shake in anger. The religious man eventually dumped me after asking me to take his virginity so that he could sleep with a married woman. Hmmm... I guess I forced God to make things clear because I was being so blind!

The Adventure Guide: ah, a breath of fresh air after writing about the other men. This man may never sing duets with me nor star on Broadway. I consider him to be a very spiritual man, but I will not try to smooth over the fact that not sharing a deep religious connection is very difficult for me/us. However, he is kind, intelligent, hilarious, a true jack-of-all trades. My adventure guide taught me how to really live and if I ever need to figure out if I'm a good person or not, I just look at myself through his eyes. Since most of my posts provide glimpses into how the Adventurer impacts my life, I am not going to try to sum him up in a paragraph.

All I know is I HAD to live through heartbreak in order to recognize my perfect fit. I don't know how I knew, but I took a gamble and bet it all... thank you God!

(no, I will not divulge the names of the heart breakers... unless you're an ex who is panicked that it might be you :)

7 comments:

  1. sweet blog! And now Mom knows why the Religious guy and you broke up. Good reason!

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  2. wicked is an incredibly amazing show.

    you are an incredibly insightful woman.

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  3. I'm still looking for my "perfect fit" but much like you if I had stayed with my past boyfriends it would have been disastrous!

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  4. Julie- Having known you in high school, I must admit, even though I knew you were a smart person, the ditzy, blonde Julie always seemed to be more dominant in my mind (like driving on the wrong side of the road in the direction of an on-coming car, AND wondering why the OTHER person is driving strange) But, I have to say that I enjoy these blogs so much. I think your writing is very intellectual, beautiful and insightful. Thanks for sharing. Of course, there are still plenty blogs that show the Julie I think of from high school!

    Erin O. :)

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  5. hmmm.... Maybe "Mom" knew more than you knew! But what is most important is that you found the one who "Loves you just the way you are". (thank you, Mr. Rogers). And that you are truly happy. That's what makes me happy.

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  6. I just wanted to share that, being agnostic myself and married to a Jewish man, I get a lot of questions about "how that works." It is tough when two people share different religious practices, but what I've found with Jay is that, really, when you boil it down, we are in completely agreement about what it means to be a good human being and to live a good life - and I think that's far more important that what we each believe about religion, God or the afterlife. It's the here and now that counts - and your husband shows you that every day, and so he was the right choice. I think the rest of it, the mystery, has a way of taking care of itself.

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  7. I LOVED WICKED!!! Jules, your blog cracks me up. The way you wrote about your musician is funny. Esp since everyone else around you knew that women weren't his "thang." I'm going to start refering to the ex's with titles. Although they would be more like The selfish one and the waste of my time one. HA!

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